Walking a fine line

Every day I have to walk a very fine line with my almost 17-year-old son.  It's the line between supporting my child's independence and self-esteem versus wanting to give him the help I think he needs (in other words, keeping my big mouth shut).

My son has trouble with conceptual thinking and logic because of his autism.  But on the other hand, he wants very badly to become independent.  He also thinks he has the ability to do anything, even if he's never tried it before.

Unfortunately, the conceptual and logical thinking difficulties get in the way.  Which is why I don't have any speakers connected to my computer right now.  He thought one looked loose and tried to fix it.  Yeah, didn't work.  But on the other hand, he was able to fix the belt on the riding lawnmower.

He can't tell when someone is joking with him, making fun of him, or outright using him.  He once took a $50 bill from my purse so he could buy cookies for all of his friends... in junior high.

Unfortunately, because he is so accepting of people, most of his friends are troubled kids.  I think some of them just appreciate the fact that he accepts them, but others are out to use him.  Last summer, he went for a bike ride with a friend.  He had a good time, up until his "friend" somehow removed the tires from his bike and left him stranded.  Thank goodness I got the kid a cell phone.  But the most difficult part of this was trying to explain to him that his friend wasn't being nice leaving him there with a broken bike.  He wants so badly to fit in that he always gives other kids the benefit of the doubt, and I end up being the bad guy because I have to try to get him to understand what happened.

The other problem is not understanding consequences of his actions.  He rides his bike so far that he's too overheated and tired to ride home.  I mean 8-10 miles, sometimes into the next town.  We've had talk after talk about this.  The last time he did it, I told him that it was his responsibility to get home.  Silly me.  I forgot he takes everything I say literally.  I meant that he would have to ride his bike home.  He took that to mean don't call me for a ride home, so he asked some neighbors of a friend of his for a ride home.  Yes, strangers.  He lost his bike privileges and was grounded.  We sat down and had another long talk after that one.  He tried to understand, but he really doesn't get it.  He has never met strangers who are not nice, so to him they are all nice.

Now we're facing even scarier situations.  His friends can drive.  He's getting older, almost an adult.  He wants to do the things his friends are doing, like getting a job, going to college, etc.

I am facing difficult choices in the near future.  The reality of my son's disability is that he is barely capable of taking care of himself, let alone working.  But on the other hand, I have to support his self-esteem and independence.

We've talked about different community programs that are available for teens with disabilities, but he isn't interested.   Maybe with time, I don't know.

Eventually I will have to decide whether I need to file for guardianship of him.  That way at least I would know that his health is taken care of, as well as his bills and legal issues.

It sure ain't easy.