6 posts tagged “sucks”

The way autism affects the lives of my family never ends.  Just when I think we've had a good few days, the phone rings or we get another letter reminding me that my family isn't "normal". 

My 18-year-old son wants to learn to drive.  He signed up for driving school in February, but being in a classroom setting was too stressful for him.  The driving instructor just called me and said they had an opening in a class starting next week.  I said we'd have to consider other options because of the classroom setting, and the instructor told me all the awful things about not taking the classes, mostly that getting hands-on driving instruction only would cost $50 per lesson and he wouldn't qualify for the certificate from driving school that would save us lots on our car insurance when I add him to the policy.

At which point I lost my temper a bit.  See, Mr. Driving Instructor, this isn't about money.  This is about my son's mental health.  I'm sure you thought you were helping me see the big picture, but what you were really doing was pounding home to me, again, that we're different and because of that it will cost us lots more money (as usual) and we don't get the benefits that "normal" people get (as usual).  Thanks so much.

In honor of World Teachers' Day, I would like to request that politics be removed from every school department. 

Let's start paying teachers a decent wage so that the people actually qualified to teach will want to hold the jobs.  Provide teachers with access to conferences and workshops on the different disabilities they will be dealing with on a daily basis.  And stop catering to parents who think their "little angels" can do no wrong.  Punish students who deserve it based on actions, not based on how rich their parents are or their race, etc.

Most importantly, add Common Sense to the lesson plan.  No Child Left Behind, my ass.  Even if a child's disability is discovered at a young age, there are no real experts out there.  Speaking from the perspective of a parent with two autistic children, "professional" psychiatrists and child psychologists don't have a clue.  So many symptoms overlap different diagnoses, there is no way to diagnose a child for certain at a very young age.  Both of my sons were misdiagnosed numerous times before they received the correct diagnosis and treatment.

What I said in the above paragraph about qualified teachers is based on personal experience.  For example, the special education teacher who was hired from a pizza shop with no prior educational experience.  Or the special education director who forced us to go along with the same accommodations again that had not worked the prior year because "they weren't used while she was on the job" (wasting 6 months of my son's time in school).  Or the special education teacher who didn't call me when my son was so upset that he ran away from the school and was gone for an hour (I found out when he called me).

I heard on a radio show the other day that supposedly it costs $15,000 a year or more to teach one disabled child.  Why?  Seriously, someone please tell me.  The special education teachers I have met have no more experience than working at the local pizza shop (honestly, one did).  They received no special training.  All of the special education students were crammed into one mobile classroom (a trailer), without air conditioning, while the special ed teacher's office had air.  ADHD students were in the same room as autistic students (bad combination if you want the students to succeed).   There were only 3 special education teachers for over 40 spec. ed students.  And to top it off, the school wanted me to sign off for them to charge Medicare for "day treatment services" at $85 a day just because my child received special ed services.

Here's a wild thought:  If a child has a disability and school makes them depressed or anxious, give the parent options.  Let the child take a pre-GED test to see how he/she would do.  And stop thinking about the all-mighty school budget.

My son dropped out of high school 3 years ago.  He had enough, and so had I.  It took this long for him to recover from his school experience (with an understanding therapist and medication).  He just passed his GED exam on his first try, and now he's looking forward to taking driver's ed and getting a job.  He is becoming more and more independent.  He is proud of himself, and above all else, he is happy. 

I applaud those teachers who really make a positive difference in children's lives.  I really do.  Unfortunately, all of the ones my family dealt with did much more harm than good for both of my children.  Looking back, I still don't know if the blame falls with the teachers or the school administrators.

My son and I have the unlimited plan through Unicel.  We have unlimited minutes, text messages, and long distance for a set price.  Great deal.  Except for one thing.  It doesn't allow roaming.  When my son's phone roams, it goes to Unicel Plus, which won't work with our plan. 

So here's my problem:  He has a Razr, and it goes to Unicel Plus at least 50% of the time.  I have an old refurbished Nokia, and mine hardly ever goes to Unicel Plus.  In fact a few times we've stood side by side, me with a signal and him with Unicel Plus.

Of course silly me signed a contract to get the Razr through Unicel.  Now they're telling me I'll have to pay for a new phone and they can't guarantee it'll work all the time on his plan.  They won't let me out of the contract.

He's only had the phone for 6 months, and we've been fighting with them the whole time.  The most satisfaction we got was twice they suggested replacing the sim card.  Didn't work.

Now don't go suggesting I get him an old refurbished Nokia, heaven forbid!  He has a rep to maintain after all. 

Is there any hope?  Ideas, suggestions anyone?

But I really don't feel bad about it.  Those of you who have read my blog for a while know about the problems my sons had with the local school department's special education program.  Condensed version:  It isn't made for kids with autism or Asperger syndrome.  They kept offering the same lame accommodations that never worked.  They fought against me moving my sons to a new school.  They refused to offer my sons occupational therapy or physical therapy.  They basically made my sons' lives hell the whole time they attended.  The special education director even suggested that there was a problem at home causing my sons' school difficulties (*sigh*). 

I was patient for five years with this school department.  As an example of how ridiculous they were, they fired the special education head teacher EVERY SINGLE YEAR, even the very good ones.  That position was the whipping boy position for the department.  And the special ed director quit every 2 or 3 years.  Let's not fix how we run things, we'll just change the staff (*argghhhhhh!*).

So anyway, both of my sons ended up quitting during their sophomore years (and going for their GEDs now).  My oldest son quit 3 years ago.  The special ed director sent me a letter today saying she was concerned that my son wasn't attending school.  And... I lost it.   There is only so much a parent can take, especially when dealing with someone who was supposed to help your children and made things unbearable for them.

But the good news is I think I got it through to them that I don't want any more communication from them :D

My heart isn't breaking anymore... it's broken.  He's gone.  I took him to his aunt's house tonight. 

I wanted so much to show him that loving families do exist.  I wanted him to be a part of ours.  But that can't be, and now we're all missing him.

Good night NS, we love you.

I don't think NS is going to be part of our family after all.  Not that we don't want him to be.  He's been taking care of himself for so long that he can't handle rules, and his anger issues are too much for me to handle on my own.  Over the past four weeks that he's been living with us, I've seen too many behaviors that worry me.  I thought maybe with time and patience, he'd be able to calm down his behavior, but it isn't happening.

This afternoon was the second time he looked me in the eye, lied about where he was going, said he was going for a walk, and had a kid (bad one at that) pick him up.  The kid reeked of cigarettes.  He took my son with him without my permission.  After some detective work, I found out where they were and that they were safe.

Unfortunately, these behaviors are rubbing off on my 16 year old, whom I've been able to shelter from the bad side of life so far. 

After much soul-searching, I've decided to speak with NS's case manager to see if there is some kind of group home to help kids get a job, finish school, and be independent.  I can't believe this is actually happening, but this kid has raised himself for too long and been too abused to respect adults.  And I can't let his behavior damage my own family.  Of course I won't kick him out, but the rules are changing if he chooses to stay here in the meantime.  I'm hoping his case manager will be able to find him a place very soon. 

I know that I tried my best, why does it feel like I'm letting him down?  If this wasn't affecting my own children and my health, I'd try to stick it out.  But I just can't.  Does that make me a horrible person?

God, why does life have to be so hard.  I've been crying for the last two hours, and I've been sick to my stomach for two weeks over this kid.  This sure isn't helping my fibromyalgia either.  I'm exhausted and in so much pain.  Don't know which is worse, mental or physical.

I don't know what will happen over the next few days, but I hope somehow my mind is put at ease.  I can't be worrying this much anymore.